When Being Mum is All You've Got

My husband came home from work last night wanting to know 'what makes me tick.'

This is what every woman wants right? A man who wants to know her inner workings, interested in how she feels and what she thinks.
I should be thrilled by the attention placed solely on me, but instead I feel at a loss to answer his question.
How could I not know myself? How could I have lost sight of all my hopes, fears and dreams? The biggest question of all, How do I get it back?

Do you ever ask yourself, "Who am I?", " What am I doing here?",  "Where did my life go?"...?
As mothers we seem more preoccupied by infinitely more pressing questions like, "Where are your shoes?", "What's that in your mouth?", "Are you hungry/thirsty/tired/bored/insane?", "Why does the lounge room smell like poo?" and "What on earth did I just tread in?".....yeah, it was probably the poo.

The thought of oneself as an individual can become a distant memory as you are swept up in the breakfast rush, the school rush, the lunch/school pick up/dinner/bath/bedtime rush. Some days the endless tantrums of a 3 old or tired howling from a 1 year old can have you close to tears and wondering how you could be so naive to think you actually wanted this.

Most days you follow through with your routine with the enthusiasm of a mindless zombie and the momentum of a run away train. Any rare quiet moments which could be used for reflection are filled with shopping lists and calendar checking. Doing the dishes almost feels like an escape and making it to the washing line, child free, is like a mini holiday!

Not even the bathroom provides sanctuary anymore. No matter how quietly you sneek away they seem to sense your intention to ponder and are lightning quick to intervene.
This is equally true in conversation. All are playing quietly until you decide to pick up the phone and make that long overdue call to your old friend, no sooner have you said hello, the sea of demands start flooding in, " mummy I'm thirsty, mummy I'm bored, mummy, mummy, mummy....."

Is it any wonder we loose ourselves along the way?

When ever I am asked what I want, my relpy is peace and quiet, but honestly, I'm not sure I would know what to do if I actually got it..... What would you do? Have you managed to find your life balance?


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